I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
ugly people sure do ruin things
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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