my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
