I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
