I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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