I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
