Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She even gives head with a lisp.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
