Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I am midnight drunk by noon
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
