Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
