dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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