Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
