I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
