am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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