This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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