the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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