I love black thongs
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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