I want to walk on stilts...naked
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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