She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
