Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
