I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
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you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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