well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
