Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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