best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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