I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
