are you still at the devil's house?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
