Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
