I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
