well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
