i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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