Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
