my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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