I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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