I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
