theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
