I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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