Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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