well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize