i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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