dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
