I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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