We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
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I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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