The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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