I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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