She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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