AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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