the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
