I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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