Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
