I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
