she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
