did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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