Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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