I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
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My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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