Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
