Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
