I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
