i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My feet surprised me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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