just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
