My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
