just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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